November 16, 2011 in Art
En la Madrugada
(In the Time before Dawn)
Morning Journey about Choice
November 9, 2011
The sun was just starting to come up in Bennington when I woke up and saw the sky was a trumpeting of bright red and pink- a beautiful predawn pallet of colors. “ En la madrugada,” I whispered. I went in to the bathroom and looked at the sky, and then came back and burrowed back under the covers. Almost immediately I went into the dreamtime and found myself walking at about 1:30 am along the jagged volcanic rocks at Ke’e Beach at the beginning of the Na Pali Coast, right under the sacred and ancient heiau of Laka…. it was dark still with the almost full moon high and bright, glittering on the black water and exploding rough surf.
There was a late autumn swell coming in, which was creating huge waves, and it was high tide, and these giant waves were crashing onto that small channel of the reef break that is right there at the narrow opening coming out of the lagoon with a rhythmic ferocity .This is the same exact spot where I almost lost my life on my 50th birthday and was also simultaneously called onto the shamanic path seven years ago. It’s a dangerous spot, and more so in the winter months.
I was sitting on the rocks watching the waves pound onto the reef, and sensing a swarm of ancestral spirits around me… singing and calling to me. I stood up and dove into that black churning water, and dove deeper and deeper, with an enormous, muscular, twenty foot mermaid tail of solid, iridescent muscle forming behind me. Whoosh! It made me very powerful in the water. I dove until I found the lava tube where for thousands of years, the great shark god , Mano Aumakua resides. Deep in the darkness, in the Po’o , I lay on my belly on the sandy ocean floor and I made my offering of ahi poke to him, which he ate out of my hand and I jokingly said to him, “Just the treat ~ not the hand please ! “
And then I said, Oh, Great One, I feel my current life feels too large to fit into my old life anymore, and it feels like it’s constricting and odd and like I am a stranger in a strange land, even in my own home, and this is troubling my heart and also…. I don’t know what’s next, and that makes me a little bit afraid.”
He came towards me and pushed me suddenly and fiercely with his enormous snout so that I catapulted up and out through the reef break and landed in the tranquil waters of the lagoon, which were crystal clear and had glittering beams of moonlight coming down through the water and it was very tranquil and clear and he said to me, “ You have a choice. You can look at your situation and expand into clarity and freedom and delight and all that that brings…… or you can contract into fear and not having enough and worry and sadness and all that that brings. Your choice.” Then he circled me once, which it takes awhile for him to turn because he is so enormous, and then he said, “Know that you are under my protection, and that I love you.”
I swam and dove and swirled and played for a bit, luxuriating in this powerful tail of mine, and in the feeling of being able to choose the tranquil part of the lagoon in all of its beauty… and then I swam back to the break which so represents my fear and my awakening- big time- and I threw a huge lei over the reef where I almost died and I blew my Mano Aumakua a big kiss and performed a mermaid bow of appreciation to him, and also threw a huge lei over the top of Makana mountain, and left spirit orchids of love for Laka at her heiau.
I popped up onto the surface of the water and lo and behold, it was that magical time of day, en la madrugada – the in between the light time, and then moments later, it was sunrise. This sunrise was the same fierce red sky that was happening in Bennington! A beautiful sight of pink and orange clouds, but over a silvery reflective sea …… and I began to feel the stirring all of the corals shimmering beneath me, waking up … and the turtles setting off to feed on the reef… the world waking up here at this place that is so sacred to me ….. and I was in gratitude for the sacred wisdom of this place and all the beings that reside there, and their willingness to share with me.